But the beginning...

drifting endlessly, nothing is stationary, just on different time lines. I woke up, strong smell of cat urine permeated the... my head!? Meow-pur, the recently acquired alley cat had pissed on my head(well, in my hair). I was 8 years old, late for school, no time to take a shower, so I just splashed my face, stared at the peach fuzz sprouting from my lip, along with the scar that I received from the family cat just a couple weeks prior, and then hopped to it. Cold day out, ocean breeze, and a low fog--June gloom. Not much passing through my mind, just the lunch my mom had packed, and the nic-nacs I had collected from the dumpster the night before; I used them to barter with the kids at school for some fruit roll ups, or, if I was lucky, some rice pudding snacks. The walk to school was an easy gradient until you got to diamond st., that's where things got tough, not only because the grade rose a bit, but its also where Santiago, Manuel, and Pedro use to hang out before school started, and sometimes they'd just hang out there all day. On this day I was lucky, and they'd decided to get to class like normal kids.

as I walked into class, into the stale room with staler faces, the smell of the cats urine began to return, it started growing in intensity. At first waft you may be able to mistake it for a boiling pot of Beef Top Ramen, not soon after such a scent made its way through the nasal passages does it transcend this harmless association, and Soon send the children within a five feet radius into a fit of nostril flaring. So it was no surprise when the student next to me, this pastie white freckled kid named Chris, began to pick up on the scent. Now, usually Chris was subdued, most likely replaying his most recent traumatic experience from having an abusive alcoholic for a father, meaning he's was known to keep to himself. But not on this day, this day was the day he chose to no longer be the victim, and this day he knew he had the fodder to do so.

A steady hand leapt from his side and pointed in my direction, "HE PISSED HIMSELF!!!", were the words that came from of his mouth, his lack of experience in the department of humiliating others was so obvious, for in those moments in which he proclaimed to the class that I had indeed pissed myself, it seemed as if he startled even himself. suddenly the 3rd grade classroom became an arena of insult, as every gap filled mouth began exploring the possible reasons why I had pissed myself, and perhaps it wasn't my piss at all...

Yes, this is but the beginning

For starters...

I agree with each and every insult you churn through that mouth of yours. I can only expect that you will further degrade me behind my back, so lets call it even at this point. I couldn't have said it better myself. I know you feel this way about me, but please take into consideration my role in this entire jaunt of yours. If you feel that I have not once realized the severity of my role within this thin spectrum you like to call your life, then by all means, go on. I ask but one thing, "do you think I am completely oblivious to the fact that most people want me dead?" It takes a lot of action on my behalf to develop such a wide spread consensus in regards to others perceptions of ones self. Its not easy, if that's what you're thinking. I have spent many garbled days perfecting the formula so that others may despise, loath, bath me in such profane language, then lather me with their disgust. Yes, it is I who have influenced your thoughts to such a degree, it is I who have taken the steps along the proverbial plank, growing ever closer to its edge, and It is I who has taken the dive, you only observe. So, I only ask for credit where credit is due. You cant possibly think that you developed this opinion of me without any of my own tact. NO, I am not trying to deny you of your own abilities to discern between good and evil. I know I am not "good," nor am I evil, and nor do I pretend to be either of these things, just know that I have an understanding of this moral compass that you may utilize in attempt to garner some insight on the human species. I am just a man who believes in getting ahead in life. Since I know that most relationships with people end in varying forms of disappointment, and on occasion a few bridges get burned, I put my crooked foot forward, and start the games early. beating you to the punch, if you will. So, please, do not think it is by chance that you feel I am an asshole, do not think that you'll surprise anyone by revealing my true motives as if I've single handily disrupted the status quo of your come and go, just know that I'm ahead of the game, and that this site is dedicated to all my enemies.